Watching: Kate and Leopold

Quote: Kate: "Maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney."

I know why MY love Santa keeps getting stuck in the chimney. He's too damn FAT! I have huge expectations for whoever my man is going to be, and not every guy can fit down that chute.
Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaah... That being said...
So, I went on my date.
It was pretty awesome. He opened all the doors, including car, paid for the sushi and ice cream to follow, and seemed hesitant to let me go. I even got my first lesson in driving a stick-shift.
Ironically, I've just gotten through with a relationship where the creepy scary person fell in love too quick and wanted to marry me within the week. Now, I AM that person, and my God, is it ever the most awful feeling ever. This guy was that great, and even with all the crap going on in my life, it's a beautiful distraction that's making me grin through it all. It's spring, folks, and I am twitterpated. Perhaps, way too much. I've done the worst thing I could do to the relationship. I put the dude on a pedestal.
It sucks. I don't like being this much in 'like' toward another person, it's frustrating and scary, as well as a toll on my self-esteem. I think way too much already, without adding way too much feeling toward another human being into the mix. Worst of all, I am aware of this and CAN'T SHUT IT THE HELL OFFFFFFF.
OhmyGodgrrrrr.
I'm annoying even myself. I've become the person I make fun of.
So, God or Satan or whoever, thinks it would be a good jolly laugh to lay me a few claymores in the field.
First brain explosion, was when Mr. Perfect told me he was only staying in town until June, when he was leaving on a tour de Europe and then moving back to the Valley where he was from. Therefore, he is 'not looking for anything serious'.
BOOM. Heart failure.
"Anything could happen in two months," is what my friends optimistically encourage. Well, he firmly sounded like he was leaving SD and everyone in it behind. I didn't know how to handle such a atom bomb, so I just said we would "enjoy each other until then", at the very least. It also raised the question of why we wouldn't be able to continue anything after he moved? I've had more than a little experience with the long distance relationship. He hinted back that it was too early to speak of such things, and I let the question fall to the ground lifeless, knowing he was absolutely right.
So, the countdown begins, and the pressure to be that desirable person to my beau whilst maintaining as much of myself I can manage, it's a delicate balance, perhaps too much so.
Bomb number 2: I apparently offended him tonight, after he once bragged that no one could easily offend him AND said he liked me in the first place for my brashness. The word 'emasculated' was used. He didn't tell me what I did or said, exactly, just said it was nothing to worry about and he was just 'setting a boundary'. I feel terrible. It's why I'm up at 3 A.M. posting this in order to clear my head enough to sleep. Pretty sure I got more than a bit of my father's A.D.D., and the not knowing is what truly bothers me the most.
I know I'm putting too much pressure on myself through all this and I need to relax and let it go. Especially since I'm going to have to soon anyway. I just feel literally cursed with a passion for this man. All we've done is made out a few times, felt each other up, nothing major. I barely know him. Yet, I ache to be with him, and it's just sad and stupid. I'm addicted to the way he looks at me, his respectful hands, and most creepily of all, the way he smells. I used to be an Axe girl, and I'm slowly switching over to the dark side of Old Spice.
Actually being IN LOVE, one that feels so right, is really just the pits, I tell ya. Pretty sure it was Woody Allen who said:
"To love is to suffer."
Some song (that I can't remember the name of) said:
"I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all."
WRONG! My prayer tonight? Dear God, please LET YOUR PEOPLE GO... of their feelings.

:/     <--- way sideways face.