Iris: "As a matter of fact, he's a huge shmuck. How did you know?"
Arthur: "He let you go. This is not a hard one to figure out. Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend...?"
This movie has no real value to anyone's life, and kind of drags, but there are certain moments that stick out-- as another example, the "AM I HAPPY NOW" quote, I have used and reused several times in my life with the Douche.
It seems like in my life, that every six months, I'm in a completely and utterly different stage of life than I was before. I just re-read my past two blogs and shook my head at how different life was then. I guess I'll try to be brief as I fill you in on what's happened.
Since Mr. Perfect is what you last heard about, I'll start there:
Finally, I found out Mr. Perfect's flaw.
He's a F-ing coward. In all his beauty and personality, I guess there was not room for a backbone. He just stopped calling one day, then I see Facebook pics of him and another girl, and I knew it was over. "An embarrassment", he called me when I finally reached him on his cell about two weeks later. "A mistake". It struck hard at the old ego, and I'll never forget how I felt when he said it.
But I tried to not let it get to me, I simply nodded it off and tried to move on. Which was well and good, as I start hanging out with an old ex of mine, happen to bring him to a mutual party, Mr. Perfect happens to show up, and stinks up the place with obvious jealousy, and has the gall to throw harsh words at me about it. Pot, meet Kettle. You are the only one that's black.
Com'on. Really?
Over that. Nice guy. Just a mixed-up coward.
Let's get back to that old ex. We'll call him... well, he looks a lot like Michael Cera, so I'll stick with that name. After Michael Cera and I broke up, we remained awkward friends, and simply left it at that. He was recently deciding on a move up north, so during those weeks right after Mr. Perfect, I started hanging out with him to get our last friendship kicks in before he left.
He ended up kissing me at a movie, much to my surprise. It was very much like our first kiss, which was also sudden blitz inside a parked car. I didn't know what to feel. I was just surprised, but then it was just.... okay, whatever.
For the next month, due to the rebound timing, and the comfort in already knowing the guy, we 'fake dated'. This time, I knew exactly what to expect. I got no feelings in too deep, and when he left without a goodbye, I was absolutely fine.
I don't know how long of time passed until he called me from his place out of state. Could have been a month, maybe two. I didn't know he was drunk when he called. I didn't know how he really felt about me. But I do know, that call was the death of me, and I wish I had never answered.
I fell for all of it, the-- "I haven't stopped talking or thinking about you since I left", "You are the hottest person on the planet", and my personal favorite: "The only thing missing here is you". I blame my heartbreak for the vulnerability, because I agreed to pay half of a plane ticket for a visit. I took the time off, the day was set, I just waited for his end of the money...
and waited...
I don't know where I find these spineless boys who just drop off and stop calling without communicating that their minds have changed. Okay, maybe I should be less naive and more aware that normal guys don't talk about their feelings. Doesn't stop me from wanting one that does.
So, when I finally get a hold of that one, he tells me very simply: "You didn't expect me to just shun all other girls, did you?"
Pow, right in the kisser. Another phrase to be engraved in the memory banks forever. He had found someone else he wanted to "f--- rather than me" as I told him. At least, knowing him, I have the very real satisfaction that it is definitely his loss. Knowing him, he probably substitutes his own loneliness with an overweight 18 year-old girl who is sex-starved. But hey, he's still getting more than me.
Which brings me to about four months after that, in other words, the now. I left my job for its weak hours and new management injustices. Though it was a decision that made me happen, it also ruined me financially. I'm borrowing money from the Douche (he owes me) just so I can save my pride in front of my parents.
My stupid-ass pride, I swear.
I blame that on being the youngest, my yearning for independence, to achieve the fabled 'adulthood', to prove I can handle my own life, which Fate loves to throw to shit for laughs. I'm in a hurry to catch up to the life I thought I would have by the age 21, and as the years tick by, and my life stays the same crap, same boys, same pennyless self, soon to be homeless once more... I easily get discouraged.
Did I mention my other bestie, Best Guy Friend, just got engaged? I was the only actor in the proposal scheme, and the only witness to it. I got it on video. So I could replay my pain.
Best Guy Friend is one of the most handsome, decent people I know, and in fact, that's how I met him. I was set up to meet the 'nice, handsome blonde friend' and we just hit it off together. I was attracted to him at first, but it wore off quickly, and we grew closer and closer until he was like my brother.
Until I saw him propose to someone else. Not only that, but obviously, truly, happily, mean it with his whole heart. I'd never seen him so happy. And it wasn't that I was jealous because I was attracted to him at all, though it may have been a slight factor (only because I think he's pretty), but mostly, I know it was just because I wanted to be the fiancee. I wanted to be planning a wedding, to be done with boys... for a good, gorgeous one to get down on his knee and mean it to me. Best Guy Friend was the last ummarried friend I had. Now I feel like I'm having a repeat of last year with my Girl Bestie's engagement all over again. They've even got the same month as the date set.
So, basically, I'm a big scarred ball of hurt and resentment of my life a the moment, and I'm working on it. Not just the job search, the apartment search, or even the anti-boy-semitism, but getting back to that happy person I know I once was. Getting my head in the right place, knowing that this will all pass soon. I'll get another job soon, I'll get another boy someday when I'm ready, and when I do, my besties are going to pay me back tenfold when my time comes, I just know it.
And for now, I just keep telling myself that, cuz it's all I got.
