Quote: Ryan Gosling's character: "Maybe I've seen too many movies, you know, love at first sight. What do you think about love at first sight? You think you can love somebody just by looking at them? But the thing is man, I felt like I knew her, you ever get that feeling? You know when a song comes on and you just gotta dance?"
I love this awfully depressing movie to death. Ryan Gosling is a very underrated force in acting. He touches a place in my soul that makes me ache and want someone brilliant to keep him on a script forever.
The theme in this movie is a love that fades, or maybe was always unrequited. I fear at night that I will marry someone I love more than they love me, and cheat, or leave, or simply not love me in the way I know I deserve.
I have issues, I'm aware. Strangely, none of these come from my father. I have a great father. I just weaved a wonderful life tapestry of bad choices and ill fortunes.
It's been a little while, but a lot has happened in a little amount of time. Didn't end up going to the wedding with anyone, and being alone really sucked. My speech went over great, especially since the Best Man didn't seem 'all there'... made me look even better. But, my relationship dynamic with my bestie has, of course, changed, and I haven't seen her much since the wedding. I make fun of her on the phone saying how I understand because she's probably busy having all sorts of sex with her new hubby. Which BTW, I never see her without, even on the few times I get to snag a quick visit. Kind of sad, but I totally get it. I would be the exact same way in her shoes.
(Insert not-so-subtle jealousy quip here.)
I want to be married so bad. Yet, there's no way in hell I want to rush it at ALL. I just want to skip a few years to when I'm already comfortable with my perfect man and all the dating dust has settled into good ol' routine normalities of dependable relationship comforts. Is that too much to ask?
To add insult to injury, the Douche proposed to me... Then two hours later got his 2ND DUI.
I deemed it a great time to say our final farewells. I feel bad for abandoning him in his time of need, but this was a mistake he brought on himself, right? I told him, "It's not like this was a fateful fluke, that a cop just HAPPENED to catch you drunk-driving. We both know you do this all the time." Plus, he's obviously just stupid.
Oh, yes, did I mention he got arrested for possession last month too? Classy.
As much as I will love that man for as long as I live, I know it's only because he was so many of my firsts. It was time to call that relationship's time of death long ago. I was hanging around with defibrillator paddles yelling "CLEAR!" for months.
______________________________________________<-- that's the relationship flatlined.
Double sad.
Yet, I got over it quickly this time around. I feel like an old hat getting over that boy, since I've had to do it so many breakups before.
Also, during the time of sadness, I used to be stuck working at a horrible fast food burger joint, which for my own protection, and for their overly stuck-up ways, we will call Snobby Burgers to keep their anonymity (since I still work there one day a week). At Snobby Burgers, the rules are way excessively strict, the people high-stress levels at all times, the rushes never cease, and worst of all, their talk revolves around A SCRIPT. I pride myself on my people skills, and being restricted to a damn script was like someone putting hands around my throat and squeezing. Everyone is your boss, everyone is angry, if they bother to speak to you at all.
Not all bad things came out of Snobby Burgers though. I did meet a guy... (well, two, actually, the first one was a weirdo I was never really attracted to and dumped after a couple of weeks after coming upon the discovery of his lunacy.)
(SIDE NOTE: Never introduce dudes to your older brother until you know how they react in large groups... As if my bro needed more stories to embarrass me at parties with... Eesh, what an embarrassing disaster. Don't make me talk about it.)
Anyway, I still stand by that I was hired and had my time at Snobby Burgers for a reason. And that reasons name is... well, let's call him Mr. Perfect until I can discover something wrong with him, because I've been looking hard for the flaws and I haven't found any yet. He's the perfect balance of Christianity and party, great sense of humor, gentle voice and demeanor, handsome features and a great physique. We had a great conversation over a 3 in the morning walk, upon discovering in the middle of the night that we lived across the street from one another. And he has taken to calling me 'my dear', which make those almost deadened high school stomach butterflies brush the dust off their wings and break out into a tango. I haven't been this excited about a 'potential' in a long time and I can't wait to see how that goes.
I have a sushi date with Mr. Perfect on Thursday. I'll be sure to let you know how that goes.
:D <--- Really happy face.
